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  • Writer's pictureTrevor Crowder

What Now?

What now, a question that pops up all the time in our lives that always seems to never have an answer. If you read my first post, you have a brief understanding of what I have been going through and that will only expand as I post more and more sides of my life began to be revealed. But in this post, I really want to focus on how I answered the "What Now?" question after the realization of my deeper issues.

Just to recap my previous post if you were unable to read it; I essentially talked about how the loss of baseball made me realize that I didn't have a true purpose, no meaning, no self-worth, and how I was unable to accept anybody's love. For a while, I accepted this fallacy that I didn't deserve those things, I didn't earn them so I had no right to them. But one day I finally hit my breaking point, I realized I simply couldn't live life like this. That's when I finally decided to take action, I did the bravest thing any of us can do in a time like that, and that was asking for help.

I really want to focus on the importance of asking for help and what that entails. In my opinion, this is the most critical step in this journey and should be the first thing you do. Looking back I always wondered why this was so tough to do. What was so bad about asking for help and getting better? A lot of the time we chop it up to embarrassment, humiliation, and weakness, but personally, I feel like it has a lot more to do with the fear of stepping out of our own comfort zones. Let's admit it, the depression and sadness you feel are comfortable to you, maybe not enjoyable, but definitely comfortable. In a weird way, we find security in our struggles, it's normal to us, it's routine, and it's expected in our everyday lives. Humans are creatures of habit, if this becomes the norm, we subconsciously won't want to change it. Finding fulfillment and happiness in our lives will obviously require a change in our day-to-day habits, therefore causing subconscious fear and anxiety. That right there is the hurdle we must get over. We can't let fear dictate our lives, when you don't step out of that comfort zone and ask for help you are allowing fear to control your life. To repeat, YOU are ALLOWING, it's not forcing its way in, you are letting it in.

When I came to the realization that I was allowing fear to dictate my life I knew it was time to make a change. The hardest phone call I ever had to make was calling up my mom to tell her that I desperately needed help. She, without hesitation, found a therapist for me within the hour and helped me set up an appointment. After the appointment was made, I felt a sense of relief, I took my first step in taking my life back. To not live by fear's rules, but by my rules.

As the title of my blog suggests, you aren't going to have a magical leap from depression to joy/fulfillment. It's going to take a multitude of steps over an extended period of time. I knew that going into my first appointment and it really helped me understand the fight I have in front of me. But, I won my first battle, it felt great, it gave me hope, but most importantly, it showed me that I am bigger than my fear, I have the power to conquer fear. We all do.

If I can give you guys a word of encouragement today is to take that step of faith, ask for help! YOU ARE BIGGER THAN YOUR FEARS! YOU ARE BIGGER THAN YOUR STRUGGLES! Right now you are faced with two paths: the first being one of darkness, sadness, and despair, one that is quite honestly, not worth living for. The second one is a life of joy, fulfillment, happiness, and love. The difference between these two paths is quite simple, the way you handle your fear. Take this step with me today, trust me it'll be worth it!

If you're reading this I just want to again thank you so much for the support and I pray that things will get better! YOU ARE WORTH IT, keep pushing towards a life of fulfillment, you got this, you are bigger than your fear.

Trevor Crowder

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